I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
