i barfeds in our rink
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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