Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
