Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
