I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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