Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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