a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
