ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
