I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
