it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
