I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
