please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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