Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
