3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
