he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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