you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
