I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize