I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
