seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
