I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
