At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
