I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
