If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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