We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
