i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
