I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
