I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
