Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
