He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
