Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
