Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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