I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
