she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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