she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
