My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
