You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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