At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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