what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
