Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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