mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
