Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
