so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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