I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
