There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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