We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
