In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
