I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
