um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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