you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
