At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
