I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize