If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
