If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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