Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
