Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
