Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
