My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
