girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
