Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
