I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
