Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do vagina's smell?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
