Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
