There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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