Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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