dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize