It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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