Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
