I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
