morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
