My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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