i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize