How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm at about main and main street
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
